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The Storm before the Calm

Disclaimer : Based on true events and experiences. It’s the subconscious speaking, please don’t take offense for any exaggerated feelings

The faint smell of heavy rain making ripples on the pavement, 

I can just gaze on the side and hear my palpitations in my ear. 

A Tik Tok trend stuck in my head,

 I’m just visualizing my insecurities strengthen at each scroll on my screen. 

A vivid image of something I’m craving for, flashing in my eyes. 

A coconut-like textured gaze, rough and rocky.

But the water like my almost melting fear leaves my body through my palms,

and I wipe the sweat clean as I place my arms on myself and crumble the fabric between the cracks of my palms. 

Taking two steps ahead and sinking two breathes deeper.

You can surely say I’m second-guessing my decision of being in a crowded place filled with smiles and laughs. 

A stop, the echo and heads turning around, rustling winds, and breathless voices. 

I smile, walking past in search of a place that smells familiar 

or a face that doesn’t scream ‘new’

By the time we move on to talk about how I feel in my feet, 

needles and pins have already colonized it,

 pushing out any consciousness in my feet and letting the numbness take over. 

Confused shoulders and a foolish tongue don’t go together if you’re not in ‘your crowd.’ 

The shoulders push you into gesturing something that you 

probably weren’t planning to say out loud, 

an empathic joke can come out as being bi, except it just sounds confusing. 

“Say something”, watch me turn my head and say “leave me alone,” this vision in my eyes pleading my shoulders to move and my tongue to spill.

With a confused and occupied mind, I’ll just release the endorphins to move my 53 muscles and smile “Hello.” 

Written by

Rtr. Farheen Usman


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